{"id":91,"date":"2018-06-07T14:55:27","date_gmt":"2018-06-07T14:55:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.idealflatmate.co.uk\/flatmate-HQ\/?p=91"},"modified":"2018-10-10T11:03:20","modified_gmt":"2018-10-10T11:03:20","slug":"you-will-probably-relate-to-these-london-flatsharing-horror-stories","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"\/flatmate-HQ\/you-will-probably-relate-to-these-london-flatsharing-horror-stories\/","title":{"rendered":"You will probably relate to these London flatsharing horror stories"},"content":{"rendered":"

So\u00a0<\/span>you\u2019re moving to London. How original of you. You\u2019re terrified, naturally \u2014 from what you\u2019ve heard, rush hour is literally worse than the Hunger Games and you\u00a0<\/span>will<\/i><\/span>\u00a0have to sell your mother to pay for your poached-egg-and-avocado-on-rye-bread from that artisanal boulangerie chain in Peckham (because hey, no one said gentrification was cheap).\u00a0<\/span>\u2018What are Londoners like, then?\u2019 my sweet country friends have asked, their souls pure, their knowledge of the metropolis \u2014 Ubers, roadmen and such \u2014 cursory at best. With flatsharing fast becoming the future for any hopeful movers, what Londoners are\u00a0<\/span>like<\/i><\/span>\u00a0is now a more important question than ever before: you have to live with a horde of them, probably strangers plucked from the depths of the Internet, and how the hell are you supposed to know that they won\u2019t be leaving pubes in your pesto for a funny\/hilarious\/fucking weird joke?\u00a0<\/span>Well, to ease your anxiety, I asked a few London flatsharers about their more colourful experiences of searching for that corner to call home.\u00a0This, apparently, is what Londoners are like.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The electricity thief\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Story submitted by Sean<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

One flatmate grew weed in the house to pay the\u00a0rent\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good flat?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThis guy had plugged an extension cable into the builders\u2019 electricity upstairs, and that\u2019s how he powered the whole flat. He had written the numbers of all his drug dealers directly onto the walls \u2014 free for my use, magnanimously.\u00a0He said he grew weed there to pay the\u00a0rent.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good flatmate\/s?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHe wore an African kaftan and a beanie in the height of summer, and worked as a chef at a strip club. Hate to judge a book and all that, but I can\u2019t say he seemed like my kind of\u00a0guy.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good deal?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was something like \u00a3700 a month for a room without windows. It had a makeshift wardrobe which was quite literally a pole stuck into the wall. So no, not a good\u00a0deal.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

The flatmate with the dead-baby t-shirt<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Story submitted by Aiden<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Some flatmates have unusual\u00a0hobbies<\/span><\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good flat?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt was actually really decent. Recently decorated, nice spacey living room in Balham. It was, like, the fifteenth place I had been to see, and walking in, I remember thinking \u2018I bet this is the\u00a0one.\u2019\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good flatmate\/s?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou could say that. He wore a t-shirt with a dead baby on it, and I\u2019m certain he hadn\u2019t showered in at least a fortnight. Just as I was thinking, \u2018how bad could he actually be?\u2019 I went to use the toilet and found none other than a collection of rape-fantasy poetry in the bathroom. The highlight, without a doubt, was reading his poem \u2018(Moth)er\u2019 \u2014 accompanied by a picture of a woman\u2019s head on a moth \u2014 while I had a\u00a0poo.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good deal?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t remember how much it was, but no force on Heaven or Earth could have made me stay there long enough to be turned into one of his creepy insect\/human hybrid illustrations. Not even if he was paying me to take the\u00a0room.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The overly intimate\u00a0couple<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Story submitted by Ruby<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Good flat?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAggressively mediocre, at best. It was a small-ish place in Crouch\u00a0End.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good flatmate\/s?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThey were a couple. A very tactile one, at that \u2014 I did wonder if I had unwittingly entered myself into some creepy threesome gig. Not a great thought, considering the woman looked like Rod Stewart and the man \u2014 unnaturally hairy (like seriously, I\u2019d get carpet burn) \u2014 was laying into a doner kebab for breakfast (it was 11am). When they weren\u2019t talking about how much they wanted to buy a sword, they were legitimately trying to engage me in a conversation about philosophy. Nope.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Good deal?<\/span><\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThe room wasn\u2019t a bedroom. It had a tumble dryer and washing machine it \u2014 it was a literally a utility room with a shit little bed cramped into it. \u00a3350 a month. Maybe they thought I\u2019d be kipping in their bed most nights anyway, what with all the threesomes we\u2019d be\u00a0having.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/span>\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>Magical, magical\u00a0stuff.<\/span><\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be disheartened, though. Yeah,\u00a0your parents were married with a mortgage by this age, so what? OK, so they both had cars. They had skills and knowledge from their free degrees,\u00a0and they were putting them to use in careers that were, by this point, already well on track. Fine, so you\u2019re nowhere remotely close to any of that. But you have just broken 200 followers on Instagram. Did they have 200 followers on Instagram? No. So peaks and troughs. It\u2019s fine. You\u2019re fine. Totally fine.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t risk the above happening to you.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So\u00a0you\u2019re moving to London. How original of you. You\u2019re terrified, naturally \u2014 from what you\u2019ve heard, rush hour is literally worse than the Hunger Games and you\u00a0will\u00a0have to sell your mother to pay for your poached-egg-and-avocado-on-rye-bread from that artisanal boulangerie chain in Peckham (because hey, no one said gentrification was cheap).\u00a0\u2018What are Londoners like, then?\u2019 … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “You will probably relate to these London flatsharing horror stories”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n

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