About Chris

TL; DR: 100% certain I could beat you in a long-distance spitting competition ************************************************* Comos Estas, B*tches!! Are you looking for the BEST housemate ever? Well, I don't own a physical award, but, if I were to ever enter an official contest, I suspect I would come in top 5. But don't take my word for it. Here's what some other people said: - 'Kept his room tidy, always cleaned the dishes. He will always be my baby' - Chris' Mum - 'Would be an honour ta accept him inta our house' - Jon Snow, House Stark - 'OMFG, I wish I lived with him' - Random girl on the street - 'Could he BE a better roommate' - Chandler Muriel Bing ******************************************** About me: Small Asian with Big heart seeking new home. I am 6ft, 76kg - so not that small, but fairly flexible and can curl up into a tight ball so don't take up much room. Having survived to the ripe old age of 27 (and 5/6th), I am pretty much a full grown adult. Nonetheless, I'm still woefully inept at general adults things such as investing in the stock market and knowing when to stop drinking. I'm fully house trained meaning I will never pee the rug. Strict Asian parenting + 10 years of house sharing/hostel jumping/couch surfing means I'm a tidy and considerate individual to live with. I`m super chill - feel free to lay around the house hungover and sh*t; unless it's 4 days in a row, in which, I suggest you seek counselling. I'm often busy, pretending to work, but I'm easily distracted. I would happily lounge about together watching whatever Netflix subliminally programmes us into viewing. Looking for a token Asian friend to show all your non-Asian friends that you're cultured? Look no further - I AM YOUR MAN! I will gladly share a glass of wine with you after you've had a sh*tty day at work. Or, if you really hate yourself, get horrendously drunk with ya and share a questionable kebab. Hold up! You don't like doner meat and diabetes? Say no more. I took a single cooking class in Chiang Mai and once met Ainsley Harriott. My beans on toast recipe will knock your bloody socks off. You wanna go out after? Not much of a party animal these days - if people ask what I do when I go out-out, I usually just say that I try to find my way back home. However, remind me you only YOLO once and I'm happy to cut rug on the dance floor / embarrass ourselves in front of strangers. In addition to making bad life decisions, I like to keep fit. I lift up heavy things and put them down repeatedly - run for prolonged periods of time even if the police aren't chasing me - fold myself into positions like downward dog and child's pose hoping to God I don't sh*t my pants. We could do this together - it will be fun!! Other things I enjoy include popping bubble wrap and having heart to heart conversations when hammered. Not wishing for a super social housemate? That's f*cking great - I'm your knight in shining (introverted) armour. You wouldn't even hear a peep! In a past life, I was probably a ninja - and then a ghost!! Even if I crawl in at 5:14 am after sinking 21 Jagerbombs and completing the 50 Chicken McNuggets challenge - clinically, I should be dead, but I am not dead, I feel so f*cking alive - BUT, I will still be, silent as a fox!! I'm not going to loudly phone my ex for a booty call. I will email her because I'm a professional. Hate it when your housemates have obnoxiously loud sex? Well, get the f*ck outta town ya clam-jamming prude. This is the point where people start to fade out so a perfect time to confess that I watch the "World's Loudest Explosions Caught on Camera" back to back and that I am into butt stuff. Jokes aside, despite ALL of the above, I'm a relatively normal guy (drinks a socially acceptable amount, only has sex in awkward silence, regrets watching the "World's Loudest Explosions" for a third time, and I'm not really into butt stuff), who, I would be, totally stoked to live with. Like, if we went to a costume party dressed as a horse, I would volunteer to be the arse end and let you be the face - that's how much of a nice guy I am!!! Seriously though, NO butt stuff. ******************************************** About you: - Fun, social, tidy, up for a laugh - Proficient in Microsoft Excel - Happy with the number of plants I'll be bringing - Less than 6ft 5 (suspicious of overly tall people) Ideal place: - Within a 3-minute sprint to a train station - House with at least four walls, more or less waterproof, and in a tosser-free neighbourhood - A bedroom large enough so I could lay on the floor in any orientation and not touch a thing - An ensuite would be the ideal shituation but not a necesshity (PLEASE get in touch if you come up with a pooperior pun) ************************************************* So, Congratulations Pal! If you've made it this far through my donkey brained verbosity (a manifestation of ADHD / dislexeeah + procrastinating from actual work) - it is likely, we will really get along. I am pretty easy going so whatever. Do you like stuff? Or things? Do you think, on occasion? This is such a coincidence. Me too; we already have so much in common - we should hang out, and think, occasionally, Together! So ask yourself: Are you tired of showing abnormally normal people around your place, hoping to God they don't turn around and murder you? Well, hold onto your BUTTS people because your search is coming to end. So, be brave - drop me a line if you have a room going, want to buddy up, or tell me about a compelling dream you had recently. Peace!

• South London
• Zone 1
• Clapham